Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
