I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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