apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
