hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
