I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
