turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
