i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
