I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
