i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
