the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
