can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
