I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
