apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
