she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
