i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
