I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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