this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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