you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
