She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize