It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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