When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
