Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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