Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize