oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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