I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
