i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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