Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have aggressive nipples.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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