in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
