They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize