I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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