my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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