No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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