You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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