That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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