12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
