I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
