i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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