Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
