This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
