There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
