ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize