Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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