well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
