...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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