we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
