I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
