This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
