Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
