Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize