This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
