giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
