Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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