I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
