I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
