we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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