a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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