we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
COCAINE IS GR8
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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