Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
