Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
