it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
