so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
