Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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