it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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