My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
