I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
