I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need water and some morals
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
