Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
