I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize