Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
