Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sorry my hands just texted you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
