Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
