Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
