I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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