I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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