how can u be prego again
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
