hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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