Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
