ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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