I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
