Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
