How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
