wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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