Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
