i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
