I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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