Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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