Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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