Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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