Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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