Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
