Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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