I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
