The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hippo gnu deer
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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