Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
