the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just cropdusted the office
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
