oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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