Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize