I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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