I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize