First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
