THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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