Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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