are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize