I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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