I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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