I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
