thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
