Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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