can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
