some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
